A Perfectly Imperfect Weekend

We locked ourselves out of the adorable cabin we had rented and drove around for an hour until we could get a hold of the landlords; we sweated through the first night trying to figure out the thermostat setting; I ripped a hole in my brand new stockings as we headed out the door to a romantic dinner; we paid way too much for a gourmet dinner; and to top it all off, the batteries on our portable IPod promptly ran out while Nat King Cole was crooning love songs.  Ahhh, I do declare we just returned from a perfect mountain getaway weekend!

I mean that.  We had a blast.  It's precisely what I love about being married this long.  Interruptions that would've totally thrown me and gotten me in a funk as a newlywed are mere blips on the radar at this stage.  That's the blessing of commitment; the reward of perseverance; the beauty of growth.  I guess a relationship needs to soak like marinade into a good steak -- not be tossed into the microwave right out of the freezer.

Rarely do we have the foresight to realize this early on.  I sure didn't.  Three years into our marriage I surprised Steve with a prearranged overnight hotel trip.  I had secretly arranged for his parents to watch our infant daughter, and excitedly stood before him to hand over the envelope containing his rendezvous invitation.  He was pleased - but shocked.

Within an hour we arrived at the hotel in downtown Los Angeles.  Little did I know he didn't feel completely comfortable (a.k.a. "safe") in the particular section of town I had naively selected.  Furthermore, the room was oddly decorated and the clientele rather noisy.  As the evening unfolded, it got worse.  I sat back and expected him to now pick it up and take the lead on deciding where to eat, what to do, which movie to watch....and so on.  All with absolutely no warning.  It was awkward, unfortunate and disappointing.  We still talk about "Ooohhhhh, that weekend at the Bonaventure!"

They say that most divorces occur within the first 4-5 years of marriage.  I get that.  The luster wears off and the work begins.  Life gets crazy and some things never seem to gel.  You struggle and shift, yet don't quite reap the benefits.  It's tough.  Unrewarding. That cozy weekend cabin often appears worn out and ugly.

And yet, over and over again research shows that while there may be some dissatisfaction with your spouse in the first decade or two, affection for one another and overall marital health often dramatically improve after a silver anniversary.  In other words:  most of us should just dig in and hang on.  It's worth the arguments, the misunderstandings and the exhausting midnight discussions. 

So take a deep breath.  Close your eyes and try to picture 20 years down the road.  Try to hold on and get there.  You might be pleasantly surprised what you find on the other side of your rocky journey.

P.S.  Did I mention that we had blizzard conditions driving home from the cabin?


  1. 15 years and I'm still waiting.....impatiently.
    Not a good record of marriages in my fam. Parents married 45 years....still hate each other. Grandparents married 65 yrs before my grandmother passed, still hated each other. Grandparents married 42 years before my grandad passed......they were tolerant of each other.
    btw.....every last one of us are true believers in Christ.

  2. "Oh Lord, I ache for these spouses who are still longing for true unity in their relationships. They've persevered, they've been faithful, and still see no results. The enemy has attacked them over and over again and they are oh, so weary. I stand in the gap for them right now and pray that 'no weapon forged against them will prevail,; and that they 'will refute every tongue that accuses them.'(Isaiah 54:17) Amen and amen."

  3. We need to claim our spouses and tell Satan to get out of our homes. I tell him everyday and pray that the Lord would continue to heal my marriage. I have been married 37 yrs and was strongly advised to leave but I see no Biblical grounds for it and God is healing us. Obedience to His word is the best.